faith

on the heels of that last post....

My heart is so encouraged that my life in God is so dynamic.

I was meeting with Randy Catlett, the missions pastor at Metro Christian Fellowship, today, and as he was asking me about my life and how I am doing throughout this whole process, I was realizing that I am at a crisis point, again.. I am at another point in my life where the question before me is "Do you trust me?" and like so many other times in my life I get all wound up. This is what it looks like for me..

Defensiveness. "OF COURSE, I trust you!"
Panic. "How am I going to do this?"
Offense. "Why would you do this to me? What do you think you're doing?
Mistrust. "Do you care about me? Do you see me?"
Honesty. "I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Who am I?"
Breakthrough. "I need you. I can't do it alone, and I don't want to do it alone. I TRUST YOU!"
Peace and Rest. "I belong to you. You protect me, provide for me, sustain me, help me. You love me. You are kind, good, strong, gentle, and everything I need."

Maybe I am at the Honesty Stage right now, because I've definitely done the first three. Sometimes the Lord brings me through to a place of peace and rest, but only after a fight through it.

My heart is knowing God in ways it's never known God.

HE has to be central.
HE has to be God.