Trust.

If I could think of a theme word for the last few months it's trust. The farther along I've got in this process the more I have had to cut ties with control, control of my environment, friendships, finances, future, and look more and more into the eyes of God and tell myself that He knows exactly what I need and is capable of providing for me.

As many of you know, there have been many failed attempts to leave the United States, and each time was a little closer to actually leaving. This is the farthest that I've come in the moving process. As I reached that threshold in July, I had to grapple with my heart and whether I could trust God and hope again. I made the decision to look and God and put my hope, trust and faith in Him, not in a location or destination, but that I would follow Him where ever He would lead me.

Through this process I've found peace in the truth that He is God, and when I choose to follow Him, it puts me in a posistion to recieve from Him, both His love, care, security, and pleasure, and discipline, provoke and His light that exposes my darkness. It's been intense. Lately I've required at least 8 hours of sleep, which makes me mad sometimes, "why am I so tired?". But it's taken it out of me, there is deep activity going on inside of me and it wears me out. Again, I have to let go of my control, because I'm not where I thnk I should be at.

All of that said, more is unfolding as I walk towards Santiago de Compostela. I was originally drawn to this team and city becasue of Cafe Terra Nova, a place of ministry and community, a dream God placed in my heart at 16. On Sunday afternoon, I got a phone call from Matthew Swain, my team leader. We are selling the cafe. It's been a long hard road for my team. I could hear the wear and tear over the phone as the cafe struggled and my heart would leave so heavy with desire to be able to be there already. God, why this long, I could be so helpful there. Again, a place of trust, that God knows what He is doing in Team Spain, and what He wants to see happen in my heart.

I am so relieved in some ways, I heard the difference in Matthew's voice, and am so glad for the peace and space that this will bring them, the Bailey's and The Swains. But, again, I'm put in a place that I have to choose trust Him.