a cold drink of water.

I was walking home from Wild Oats, our local natural foods store, (how appropraite, walking, natural foods, but I didn't have regular deodorant on.. no smelly's here), and I passed a house that was being cleaned out. On the front steps sat a scraggly man who looked really worn out. I made some comment to him about the heat and the boxes of stuff sitting in front of the house. We made some small talk as I continued to slowly walk past, not wanting to get stuck in a bad/awkward situation. When, as I was almost far away, he said, I just wish I could get a cold drink of water or something. It's just so hot out here. Suddenly he had my attention. That sounded strangely like something in the Bible. Huh, the whole way home I thought about it. I had different plans for my afternoon and deadlines that made me feel a little clastriphobic. When I got home, I knew what to do, I found a water bottle, left behind from Quest, and the lone soda in my organic household, and I marched myself right back down to that house. There were no angelic lights or prophetic visitations. I just gave the man what I had, and told Him he was doing a good job and to stick with it.

It felt so right. I asked God is I was suposed to pray for him or talk with him, and didn't feel like it was necessary at the time.

Maybe I just needed to feel like I had a heart and could respond to a need when I heard it. Maybe that man needed someone to give him something with no strings attached.

Either way, it was a response to me from the Lord of how will I fit in to Santiago de Compostela, Spain. How will I meet people? Where? What do I do when I can't talk to them?

God knows me, and He has people waiting in Spain, that I can love, and be used, by God to meet needs. God is soverign and knows exactly the right people to bring into my paths. and He cares about me to let me know that He knows what is in my heart and how He wired me.

What will it look like? I don't know... but I'm anxious to find out.

Creating something new.

The whole process is creating something entirely new and different in me. Or it's just giving me a mirror to look into that is allowing me to see just how much God has changed in me.

A poverty mentality. A phrase that ran through my head over and over again last summer. My roommate, Linnea, and myself had multiple conversations about it, its effects and how we got there. It has threaded itself all through this last year. Through my joblessness, the gift of my car, random cash in the mail, and my very alive conscience or I guess, the Holy Spirit, provoking my heart about how I live like a pauper when my circumstances do not ever require it. It bleeds over into how I relate to God. I struggle to believe my life really matters. that what I contribute will matter. i hate to inconvenience people, and am careful not to step on to many toes. it's kinda a miserable way to live.

and the thing is... I know different.

I was created in the image of God.

God, through Jesus Christ, adopted me into His family, and invites me to sit on His right hand with Christ.

I am part of a ROYAL priesthood, a CHOSEN nation, a HOLY people. - none of these things involve shame or timidity.


I find myself fretting about how I am going to get to Spain and then live there. Money is overwhelming me. Fear sits on my shoulders and settles into my muscles. I am literally in pain right now. I am asking people to support me out of my fear and not out of freedom in faith that God take care of me in what He's called me to do.

I am a daughter of God, called by Him to a role so uniquely designed by Him for me. It's perfect. In a culture that I love. Serving coffee. Making good food. Learning a new language and culture.

Do I believe what God has said is true? Do I trust Him to come through when I need Him to? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, it hasn't settled in my heart.

Jesus, I need supernatural understanding of my worth and identity in you. Forgive me for not trusting you. Forgive me for trying to control something so totally out of my control. and manipulating my friends in the process. You are teaching me to trust You. Help me cooperate with You.

who would have guessed....

I do not know why this suprised me, but...

I am finding myself exposed and provoked by this whole moving, support raising, packing process. Lots of emotional drama.

For example, I am such a pack rat. I saved every schedule, paper, candy wrapper I could have in High school. So last night when I pulled out my scrap booking TUB out of the basement, I realized just how long this is going to take me. Because I have to remember all the memories around that schedule or candy wrapper, and all the people that were around at the time, and then it takes me forever to throw it away. What am I going to do with nametags and buttons of randomness in two years.

But, I am realizing that it helps me not just throw away the memory and love for those people or the events, but to love and remember them and move on....

new things, new places, new seasons. new LIFE!

blogging in my dreams

Last night I drepmt of blogging.


just one of the many things on my mind lately.


After talking to my friend Denise, I realized that I just want to do this whole moving, support raising process flawlessly, and she spoke a little bit of reality in me that it's just not going to happen that way.

So I will say it to all of you that may read this. My heart is to include and care for each person involved in the process. To feel the loss with people, to get excited with people, to include you in what I feel and think about this transformation God is doing in me. I will do the best I am capable of. Guard me please, help me see where I am missing it, and please extend grace to me.

I wake up daily with a full heart. Grateful for my rest and anxious to experience all the day will hold.

It has begun...

All of the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. It's amazing how many things have to be done. Doctors appointment, Police reports, clothing disposile, farewells, tears, emails, support seeking, paper work. Slowly all of these things are coming together to form a whole that will carry me out of Kansas City, on to Illinois and then on to Santiago de Compostla, Spain. Unbelievable. These little things I'm doing are all carrying me on to a much bigger thing.

I've just begun this blog, but I've been doing another at http://www.myspace.com/laurenmichellepugh, if you want to check it out.

I'm hoping to master, well, who am I kidding, not master, just get a working knowledge of, blogger as well.